Single mother by choice
You want to be a mum and are willing to do it alone? Here at Lesmaternity we think that’s great! Though adopting is always an option, this post will focus on fertility treatments.
Some procedures to consider:
- Insemination: AID (artificial insemination by donor) is the simplest method for women with a healthy reproductive system but who lack a male partner. Sperm from an anonymous donor is deposited in the uterine cavity during the patient’s fertile window. It can be done with or without ovarian stimulation.
- In vitro fertilisation: this is when the egg and sperm are cultured together after ovarian stimulation occurs. This can also be done through ICSI where the sperm is individually selected and placed inside the egg. The resulting embryo is transferred to the uterus 2 to 5 days after the egg retrieval. The rest are frozen. IVF is recommended when artificial insemination has previously failed or when there is a problem with the fallopian tubes.
It’s important to note that all sperm donors are, by law, anonymous. It is the responsibility of the fertility clinic to keep the information about their identity confidential. The law also states that a child born as a result of fertility treatments from donated gametes is legally the son or daughter of the mother who had the procedure done.
Another way is to freeze your eggs. This is done through a method called cryopreservation, where your eggs are cryogenically frozen in order to be used at a later date. This is recommended for women who want to get pregnant later in life (after 35). Also, for those women who will undergo chemotherapy, radiotherapy or a surgical procedure that might adversely affect their ovaries.
Some help
Being a single mother is a brave choice, but it’s becoming a more common one now. In whatever situation you are in, being a mum is a huge responsibility. If possible, try to rely on your friends and family in order to create a support system. Relying on other women that are going through the same experience is very important. It might be very useful to get in touch with groups such as the Single Mothers by Choice Association.
Being a single parent is also expensive since you’re the sole income earner and some help would be appreciated. There are some types of employment, social and economic aids you are entitled to:
The Ministry of Health, Consumer Affairs and Social Welfare has a guide that explains all the benefits and family services available. The last one is from 2018 and you can download it here. We also encourage you to find out what other benefits are available for you in your community.
Fears
- Will my child have trouble fitting in?
Nowadays there is more acceptance in schools of what the definition of a “family” is. Children think it’s completely normal. However, single parenting still has some barriers to break.
- Will they need a male role model?
Male-female roles are not the norm anymore. Teaching your children inclusion, values, tolerance, and love is universal and can be learned from a single mother or in a natural way by family and friends.
- When should I tell them?
If you feel confident, there’s no reason why you should wait. It is recommended to mention it before they are 7 years old.
- Am I alone in this?
No, there are more and more women that decide to do this. Usually, the decision is fuelled by their biological clocks running out, but now there are also younger women taking this step.
If you’ve made up your mind, then you should go for it! The next step is choosing your fertility clinic. It’s important that you feel safe from the start, somewhere where they will answer all your question and help you overcome your fears. We recommend a medium-sized clinic, where they can offer you the cutting-edge technology of a big centre and the personalised treatment of a small one. If you want to talk to us about it, get in touch, we would love to have a chat with you. J
