When you make the decision to become lesbian mothers it might scare you to think about how the people closest to you (family, friends, co-workers) might react. Some people still think that the best way to raise a child is in what they consider a traditional family, which is one composed of a heterosexual couple with a mum and a dad. This is a common misconception some people have. Maybe you are the first same-sex couple they meet that have decided to have a child together. If this is the case you can fight ignorance with information.
Many other lesbian couples have gone through this. These are some of the most frequently asked questions you might have to deal with. Some of these might sound interesting but others will just be uncomfortable to answer. Just remember to face them with love, humour and most of all information.
Who is the father? and, do you know anything about him?
Sperm donation is anonymous is Spain; therefore, we don’t know who’s the father. Neither the children nor the biological father have any contact and of course, he also has no legal rights over these children. Donors go through very thorough physical and psychological tests.
Which of you is the biological mother?
When it comes to being a mum there is no first or second place! We are both his mum.
Don’t you think your child will miss on having a father figure in his life?
Like most couples, we try to teach our children important values such as tolerance, respect, and equality. We give them the opportunity to be exposed to different activities and it’s up to them to choose which one they prefer.
Our son will always have male figures in his life with our families and friends.
Can lesbians be good mums?
Studies confirm that there is no difference in development amongst children raised by heterosexual couples or homosexual couples. Children even tend to be more open-minded.
The parent’s sexual orientation has not been proven to influence the child’s orientation.
Who’s the mum and who’s the dad?
We are both their mother. We love them and share the same rights and responsibilities in the upbringing of our children.
How will they tell you apart?
This resolves itself very naturally. In our case we decided that he should call us “ama” and “mama”, but other times its mama-mami. With time they will identify and tell you apart without trouble. When you are from different nationalities or you speak another language it’s even easier: ama, mama, mum, and mamá…
Don’t you think that having two mums might make your child feel different?
The children raised by homosexual or lesbian couples are as happy and comfortable with themselves as the ones raised by heterosexual couples. There is no difference in the way they choose activities, interests, or even friendships and later in life their career or way of life.
Lesbian mums raise millions of children and nowadays there are more and more diverse families. Every child is different and some might be okay with it and others might have a hard time because they feel different (due to this or for any other reason). What matters is that they are honest about it.
Do you think someone might be mean to them because he has two lesbian mums?
Every mum’s main concern is that someone might be mean to their child. This could be for any reason not just because they have lesbian mums. It’s important that our children talk to us and tell us about these experiences and also that the school is aware and educate the children on family diversity.
Can you both register your child as your own?
Lesbian couples have to be legally married in order to register their children. We must also produce a document that states that we have used assisted reproductive technology.
The registry certificates now read parent A and parent B however, we still have a long road ahead in order to standardise most forms.
You are happy as a couple and now you want to start your own family so don’t let ignorance and lack of education get in the way of that. Always answer with love, information and most of all humour!